I know, I know, everyone can’t wait for summer and the good weather to happen. I am not one of those people. I like the fall, and I love winter. Well, love is probably too strong a word to use. We have a mutual respect for each other, Winter and I. My mother won’t admit this, but I think she had an affair with a Canadian because I’m pretty sure I have blood of the great white north.
But I digress. Summer. Yuck. I hate it. Well, I hate it without having a pool. If I had a pool, I would be on better terms with Summer, but since I don’t, here are the 10 things I hate most about Summer:
10. The Heat! I know it’s obvious but its true. It makes me cranky. I’m short with people, I can’t think straight, I never listen. The heat even makes food taste bad. You can’t enjoy any hot food. Yes you can eat it, but can you really enjoy it?
9. The BBQ. What’s wrong with a BBQ, you ask? BBQ is a gateway drug. BBQ leads to other things I hate about summer. Because the weather is good people always suggest having a BBQ. Oh yeah, its hot outside, lets start a fire.
8. The Beach. People insist that the way we should spend our time is at the beach. Forget the fact that I grew up watching JAWS and am petrified of going in the water past my waist, the beach is the single worst place to spend a day because it is full of sand. Sand is not your friend, people. Sand doesn’t care about you, sand is selfish and wants to get into everything you have. It refuses to mind its own business. It’s in your shoes, your clothes, in your food, yes your food. Even when you wash it off it stills comes back. It always follows you home. Sand is a stalker. Just when you think you are done with it, it shows up again.
7. Sweat. It’s suppose to cool you down. It doesn’t. It makes me feel hotter. And when I start, I can’t stop. It just keeps going and going. It’s a sweaty mess. I sweat like I just ran a marathon when really all I did was go get the mail. My eyes are stinging and all I want to do is read the mail.
6. Being a Dad. Ok being a dad is awesome. Except in the summer. Why? Because being a dad means you have to play with your kids outside when they want. You have to help in the garden and take care of the yard. Basically being a dad in the summer means you are going to spend 90% of your time outside. And if you are outside you have to deal with the heat.
5. The Air Conditioner. Oh yeah. This sounds like something I would like, but I don’t. It’s central air or bust. Air conditioners are too loud and they don’t do a good enough job unless you leave them on all the time and you can’t leave them on all the time because that would quadruple your electric bill.
4. People Who Love the Heat. You know these people. Always letting you know if it’s a dry or a wet heat. What the exact temperature is. They also say horrific things about your beloved Winter.
Those are people who are always saying “Wow, it’s so hot today and yesterday was so nice. We could use more days like yesterday. Tomorrow is gonna have a breeze.” A breeze? Really? Hot air is gonna be rolling through to give us some relief? Is that it? Yesterday was 90 degrees and today is 95 degrees, a breeze ain’t gonna help.
3. Getting in the Car. Getting in the car during the summer is like leaving a sauna and entering an even hotter sauna. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
2. Taking a Deuce. In the summer there is no satisfaction in going to the bathroom. What used to be a little alone time to catch up on some reading has now turned into an Olympic sprint. It too hot in there to sit and contemplate life anymore.
1.The Outside. Do I really have to explain this one?
So, yes, I know, these aren’t real problems. But it still felt good to get them off my chest. Did I mention I didn’t have a pool?
These opinions are my own and don’t express the feelings of the other hosts. They should, but they don’t.