Lord of the Rings

I’ve been married four and a half years. And I’ve lost my wedding ring – twice. Yes, twice.

Let me tell you, each time is a bit more traumatizing than the last.

When we were getting ready to get married, we had to figure out our rings. Neither of us are jewelry people. My wife never wore rings until her engagement ring (was my Grandmother’s). In high school, I wore a 3-circle triple “Russian” wedding ring.

I bought it at a mall kiosk and wore it through college. I broke it out from time to time whenever I needed to be ‘married’ in a play, but for the most part it sat in my dresser.

As far as my class ring from high school? Does anyone really wear those? For the amount of time we poured into that Jostens catalog, did we ever wear them very long? They’re just to give your HS girlfriend to wear on a chain – right? That’s still in my dresser too, I think.

When it came to the wedding, my wife added the matching wedding band left from my grandmother. As for me, we had to go shopping.

We went to a local outlet mall and scouted rings. We bought me a really nice titanium wedding band. We sized it up and when we got married I was so excited to wear it. I felt like I had superpowers – I had waited a long time for this.

Like most new husbands, I was constantly playing with the ring. Taking it off and spinning it on the desk, using it to hit the aluminum bottle to make ‘music’, etc. It was easy to come on and off.

I’m a big guy and depending on the season, my fingers (and a lot other parts) go up or down in weight and size. I’d take the ring off to shower or do the dishes – didn’t want to lose it. I always felt like I had to make a fist when my arm was out an open car window while driving. I was terrified of losing the ring.

My brother got married years before I did. He was diving off a friend’s sailboat in Long Island Sound and was left helpless as his ring slipped off and was lost forever. (I picture him watching it like the little old lady at the end of Titanic.)

I was always worried I would suffer a fate like that. I was right.

I don’t even know when it happened. Wasn’t anywhere as cool as diving off a sailboat into the ocean. I had it on in the morning and after an afternoon of farm chores, dishes, trash and such – it was gone. I searched the lawn for hours. I searched all the garbage bags – the drains – the floor – the driveway – the car – the toilet… Nothing. It was gone.

My wife and friends tried to cheer me up with a story of a farmer in Sweden that found a lost ring when a carrot grew through it. Alas, I wasn’t planting carrots that day. But maybe in another 12 years.

So, I went to the dresser and pulled out the old Russian Triple Ring.

For the following Christmas, my wife got me an amazing ring off Etsy. It was metal with a ring of wood in the middle So unusual and so cool.

Less than a year into this one… I was washing dishes. I went to move the faucet from one side of the sink to the other and hit the ring just right on it – smash! The ring broke into 2 pieces. What in the hell?

Back to the 1990s Mall Kiosk Russian Wedding ring. By the winter, one of the three circles had broken and would pinch me. This is getting ridiculous. I was NOT about to start wearing my high school ring.

This past Christmas my wife had the idea of all ideas. She had heard from fellow farmers about these amazing silicon wedding bands. They can get dirty, fit better and – best answer – aren’t very expensive!

So, I got a FIVE pack of rings – FIVE different styles. It’s now August and I have yet to lose one and I love them. They’re perfect for farmers, first responders, athletes, anyone who leads a lifestyle where they don’t want their ‘nice’ ring flying off their hand at the wrong moment.

I can’t recommend them enough. The people at Qulo (click here to see their stuff) really put out a great product (have them for ladies too!). I can’t recommend them enough. I feel secure knowing my left hand won’t be ‘naked’ anymore.

What’s your experience with wedding bands? Love them? Hate them? What kind are you rocking?

-KP

[Mind of the Modern Man received no promotional considerations for this story.]

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