With all the talking we did yesterday about Dollar Shave Club, I started thinking about the mishaps that happen in shaving. Since Mind of the Modern Man is a safe place to talk like a guy – I’m going to share some of the worst shaving issues I’ve encountered. It’s ok, I made it through to the other side, and I know I’m not alone!
Every day we shave. It’s like brushing your teeth or washing your hair. Your brain and body are on autopilot. Of course, we’re also human and have moments of clumsiness. Not a problem shampooing or putting on toothpaste, but when you’re shaving – that’s a weapon in our hand!
I’ve gotten too close to my other hand as I hold my cheek to get that back corner of the beard – caught the finger nail with the razor – OUCH.
I’ve dropped the razor and couldn’t move my feet fast enough – nicked a toe – OUCH.
I think I need some baseball bat grip tape on my razor.
There Will Be Blood
No matter what we use for shaving cream (cream, gel, water, butter…), we will end up nicking ourselves. It happens and it’s usually not a big deal. Usually.
I know you’re with me here guys. How many times have you been late to an important meeting, big date, wedding, etc. and you have to wear a WHITE collared shirt and tie? As Murphy’s Law would have it – of course it’s the day that you nick yourself shaving. You think it will stop. It doesn’t. Suddenly, your neck is the scene of a very small horror movie. The blood just keeps rising to the surface and slowly, painfully slowly, dripping… please not on the shirt… NOOOO….. dammit.
We don’t have time to change, we put on the tie and hope it eventually stops. Maybe a little toilet paper on the cuts while it dries up and we drive to our destination.
But then we forget, don’t we? The party/date goes on and we’re getting comfortable. We loosen our tie and unbutton our collar — NOOOOO!!!
Out drops the toilet paper. The inside of your collar looks like it has the measles. Sigh. Just should have gone to the party with the scruffy look today.
You’ve Got The Cutest Little Baby Face
Most guys, like our friends at Mad Viking Beard Co., pride ourselves on our beards. They are part of who we are.
Most days you trim your beard, you shave around it, you wash it – no problem. Until that day your mind ventures elsewhere and the razor SLIPS!
Is it too much to fix? No, it’s ok. If I take a little bit off the other side it will even out and it will just be a different look for a bit. CRAP! Too far on the right, I have to take the left down a little bit more.
We stare in the mirror doing all kinds of Jim Carrey facial gymnastics to get the right position and BLAM – NO! Too close. There’s now a HOLE in my beard! My face looks like Kid N Play’s hair from the 80s.
Nothing left to do but take it all off. It will grow back. Just don’t let them hear you cry as you do it. Without the beard you need to save up as much of your manhood points as possible.
I gotta go, this damn nick just won’t stop bleeding…